I would like to think that I am funny enough to make this stuff up and provide entertainment. Sadly I can't come up with anything nearly as comical. These 2 keep me in stitches daily...here's why!
Ian: Did you know they use chocolate as medicine?
Audrey: Not anymore.
Ian: They do, they really do!
Audrey: Ian, everybody knows they have not used chocolate as medicine since
1984.
Audrey to Ian: We have sustained serious injuries
Ian: Huh?
Audrey: You have no idea what serious injuries are yet.
Audrey: OH CRAP!
Mom: WHAT did you just say?
Audrey: OH CRAP!
Mom: That is not a very nice thing to say do you even know what it means?
Audrey: Yes, it's what you say when something goes wrong.
Mom: Crap is a not nice word, slang for poop, and you shouldn't say it.
Ian: Oh, I have to go take a crap.
Mom: IAN MICHAEL!!
Ian & Audrey: fits of giggles
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Confessions of an Anti-Cleaver
June 14, 2011
Today is a very special day for my son...he gets to wear the shorts he slept in last night all day today! These are the same shorts he wore all day yesterday, running errands with me, and to school. He is very excited to wear them again, he thinks this is a special treat and he thinks it makes me a very cool mom. That's the kind of mom I am...COOL! I'm also the kind of mom who hasn't had time to make sure he has clean shorts. I'm quite the slacker mom, the Anti-Cleaver.
Judge all you want, after all do your kids think you are cool or are you making them put on clean, nicely folded, starched, and ironed shorts? Hmmmm? Back your bus up June...I'm making him put on clean underwear!
As long as I am confessing I'll take the time to admit my other Anti-Cleaver-Flaws:
1. I have "cleaned" the bathroom with a wet-wipe.
2. I have not mopped my kitchen floor since March.
3. I see the cobwebs above my kitchen cabinets and think "sweet, I don't have to display fake ivy greens"
4. My kids sometimes get poptarts for dinner.
There are more...many more but that gives you a little insight.
Most moms would never admit their slacker qualities. I treasure mine. I think my ability to be relaxed and imperfect comes through in my kids. I've taught them a great lesson in enjoying what really matters and to "stop and smell the flowers". And, if you're going to be playing in a field of flowers why put on your fresh shorts!
I'm not just lazy (and cool)...I don't want my kids to grow up and their memories be that they had the cleanest house on the block, that their laundry always smelled of fresh linen & sunshine, that being organized was the only way to have order. I can still remember the pine-sol smell on our floors after my own mother spent all day cleaning. I can also remember that my own mother didn't spend time playing with us, smelling the flowers with us, or letting us wear 2 day old clothes as a treat. I want my kids to remember the things that mattered...the "treats".
So I will continue to be the Anti-Cleaver and I'll be proud of it. And maybe if they are lucky I'll do laundry today!
Today is a very special day for my son...he gets to wear the shorts he slept in last night all day today! These are the same shorts he wore all day yesterday, running errands with me, and to school. He is very excited to wear them again, he thinks this is a special treat and he thinks it makes me a very cool mom. That's the kind of mom I am...COOL! I'm also the kind of mom who hasn't had time to make sure he has clean shorts. I'm quite the slacker mom, the Anti-Cleaver.
Judge all you want, after all do your kids think you are cool or are you making them put on clean, nicely folded, starched, and ironed shorts? Hmmmm? Back your bus up June...I'm making him put on clean underwear!
As long as I am confessing I'll take the time to admit my other Anti-Cleaver-Flaws:
1. I have "cleaned" the bathroom with a wet-wipe.
2. I have not mopped my kitchen floor since March.
3. I see the cobwebs above my kitchen cabinets and think "sweet, I don't have to display fake ivy greens"
4. My kids sometimes get poptarts for dinner.
There are more...many more but that gives you a little insight.
Most moms would never admit their slacker qualities. I treasure mine. I think my ability to be relaxed and imperfect comes through in my kids. I've taught them a great lesson in enjoying what really matters and to "stop and smell the flowers". And, if you're going to be playing in a field of flowers why put on your fresh shorts!
I'm not just lazy (and cool)...I don't want my kids to grow up and their memories be that they had the cleanest house on the block, that their laundry always smelled of fresh linen & sunshine, that being organized was the only way to have order. I can still remember the pine-sol smell on our floors after my own mother spent all day cleaning. I can also remember that my own mother didn't spend time playing with us, smelling the flowers with us, or letting us wear 2 day old clothes as a treat. I want my kids to remember the things that mattered...the "treats".
So I will continue to be the Anti-Cleaver and I'll be proud of it. And maybe if they are lucky I'll do laundry today!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Hope Floats
I awake at 2a.m. with a song in my head. I lay there, it's loud...the lyrics are coming in bits and pieces and then some of the music. Why am I awake and what is this song so I can get back to sleep. I start listening and thinking, it's "To Make You Feel My Love" from the movie, Hope Floats. Okay, I can go back to sleep.
Wrong.
Why am awake? Why is there a soundtrack playing in my head? Why that particular movie?
Several weeks ago a very dear friend and I were searching for hope. Literally. She had shared a piece with me a couple of years ago and I couldn't find it in my archives anywhere. She couldn't find it anywhere. We knew it was out there somewhere. We were hopeless. And now here I am at 2 a.m. and hope is right where it's always been...
I take it as a sign and I let the sign speak to me. Suddenly (okay, maybe not suddenly but surely) nearly all of the anxiety, tension, and fears I have been carrying around for the last week start to leave my body. I need hope and I cling to this feeling like a life line that has been tossed to me in a sea of dread.
It's funny, I don't believe in God, Miracles, or Divine Intervention...but I have hope. Some of my close friends are going to tell me that my "sign" is from above...they have hope. Hope can be defined by dictionaries; or can it? I looked it up...I wasn't satisfied. What exactly is hope and why do I all of a sudden have it?
Hope is a feeling that comes to all of us...we carry it around daily, some of us lose hope, some of us cling to hope, some of us hope to find it. It comes to us when we least expect it...at 2a.m. in the form of a "sign", it comes to us when we need it most, it comes to us when we aren't even looking. We either have hope or we don't.
I have hope. I have hope that my "sign" was from the spirits & energy of love ones passed. (we'll save my earlier statement of disbelief being a contradiction to that for another blog) I have hope that the anxiety I've been carrying in the center of my chest will not rule my life. I have hope that this sadness I'm carrying over the loss of my dear Aunt will slowly fade and be replaced with happiness that was her life. I have hope that I am doing right by my children, my husband, my own self.
I have hope. Period. I didn't need to search for a piece written on hope. I had it all along inside of me. I was never, nor will I ever be, hopeless again.
Wrong.
Why am awake? Why is there a soundtrack playing in my head? Why that particular movie?
Several weeks ago a very dear friend and I were searching for hope. Literally. She had shared a piece with me a couple of years ago and I couldn't find it in my archives anywhere. She couldn't find it anywhere. We knew it was out there somewhere. We were hopeless. And now here I am at 2 a.m. and hope is right where it's always been...
I take it as a sign and I let the sign speak to me. Suddenly (okay, maybe not suddenly but surely) nearly all of the anxiety, tension, and fears I have been carrying around for the last week start to leave my body. I need hope and I cling to this feeling like a life line that has been tossed to me in a sea of dread.
It's funny, I don't believe in God, Miracles, or Divine Intervention...but I have hope. Some of my close friends are going to tell me that my "sign" is from above...they have hope. Hope can be defined by dictionaries; or can it? I looked it up...I wasn't satisfied. What exactly is hope and why do I all of a sudden have it?
Hope is a feeling that comes to all of us...we carry it around daily, some of us lose hope, some of us cling to hope, some of us hope to find it. It comes to us when we least expect it...at 2a.m. in the form of a "sign", it comes to us when we need it most, it comes to us when we aren't even looking. We either have hope or we don't.
I have hope. I have hope that my "sign" was from the spirits & energy of love ones passed. (we'll save my earlier statement of disbelief being a contradiction to that for another blog) I have hope that the anxiety I've been carrying in the center of my chest will not rule my life. I have hope that this sadness I'm carrying over the loss of my dear Aunt will slowly fade and be replaced with happiness that was her life. I have hope that I am doing right by my children, my husband, my own self.
I have hope. Period. I didn't need to search for a piece written on hope. I had it all along inside of me. I was never, nor will I ever be, hopeless again.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Planned Spontaneity
"Planned Spontaneity", my oxymoron for the summer! For the first time, in their short summer vacation carreer, I made my kids a summer schedule. It's not carved in stone, we'll survive if we don't do everything or go over on something. Our "daily activities" are only one a day. Oh may that activity last for hours giving me lots of time to read, clean, watch a cooking show...oops did I type that...I meant give my kids lasting memories of the summer to beat all summers!
We have a blank day. I call that our "Planned Spontaneity" day. Now, secretly to my children it's the day I set aside to meet with my close friend and her two kids. A day where I dream of the 4 children going off and play nicely & quietly together so her and I can catch up. Or on the days when we can't meet Mommy becomes the best mom ever by singing "last one to the pool is a rotten egg".
When I was a kid we didn't have summer schedules. Our plan was that everyday after breakfast you went outside where you stayed until dinner time. I'm pretty sure Mom slid a tray of lunch under the door and my brother and I picniced under a shady tree. There was no chance of too much tv or wii becuase we only had 3 channels and no video games. Our 65 acres was our playground. Our woods was our fort and dare anyone to enter the woods without a password. My kids, sadly, don't live in that world anymore. Global warming & chemical laden sunblocks keep us inside most of the summer, I now live on 1/4 of an acre, and I would never let my kids out to roam free all day for fear of their abduction, calls to CPS, and who knows what other dangers lurk in the woods these days.
These days we plan playdates in the park, movie day, library day, and we have a schedule posted. And we don't forget to be spontaneous even if it is planned.
So maybe my summer schedule was made more to keep me from going insane (after all isn't that what Mom was doing when she sent us off), maybe it won't be truly spontaneous, maybe it's weird to even have summer structure. Or maybe, just maybe, this will turn out to be the summer to beat all summers! (If I plan accordingly)
We have a blank day. I call that our "Planned Spontaneity" day. Now, secretly to my children it's the day I set aside to meet with my close friend and her two kids. A day where I dream of the 4 children going off and play nicely & quietly together so her and I can catch up. Or on the days when we can't meet Mommy becomes the best mom ever by singing "last one to the pool is a rotten egg".
When I was a kid we didn't have summer schedules. Our plan was that everyday after breakfast you went outside where you stayed until dinner time. I'm pretty sure Mom slid a tray of lunch under the door and my brother and I picniced under a shady tree. There was no chance of too much tv or wii becuase we only had 3 channels and no video games. Our 65 acres was our playground. Our woods was our fort and dare anyone to enter the woods without a password. My kids, sadly, don't live in that world anymore. Global warming & chemical laden sunblocks keep us inside most of the summer, I now live on 1/4 of an acre, and I would never let my kids out to roam free all day for fear of their abduction, calls to CPS, and who knows what other dangers lurk in the woods these days.
These days we plan playdates in the park, movie day, library day, and we have a schedule posted. And we don't forget to be spontaneous even if it is planned.
So maybe my summer schedule was made more to keep me from going insane (after all isn't that what Mom was doing when she sent us off), maybe it won't be truly spontaneous, maybe it's weird to even have summer structure. Or maybe, just maybe, this will turn out to be the summer to beat all summers! (If I plan accordingly)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Spiritual Craving
My spirit is broken. Well, maybe broken is too strong of a word because I have always told myself I'd never let it be broken. Maybe it's cracked or maybe it is just craving. They (who are they by the way) say that if you close your eyes and imagine a serene setting you'll lower your blood pressure, if you just smell chocolate & coffee you'll be satisfied. Pretty sure the latter is a big fat lie.
So maybe...if I feed my spirit with pictures, memories, and serene settings I'll be renewed. A little single-girls vacation is the next step if this doesn't work!
So here are the little things...the little things that matter to me and maybe they won't matter to you. But take a moment and give your spirit what it's craving:
~~imagining the smell of the body wash & shampoo wafting in the steam when my husband is getting ready for work in the morning.
~~listening to the voices (of my children) in my head as they giggle.
~~remembering Saturday night pizza making with my Mom.
~~remembering the taste & texture of Sunday morning pizza eating for breakfast. Nothing was better than Mom's cold-pizza. Yep, she knew how to prepare us for the single life. (:
~~feeling the grass on my bare arms and legs as a kid as we rolled down our big hill.
~~seeing the light bulb come on when a kid that I mentor "get's it".
~~ginormous spider monkey hugs from my little bear.
~~Good Night Moon.
~~thinking about how much time I wasted "hating" my little brother when we were growing up and loving how we've become the best of friends!
~~looking in the mirror and not being TOTALLY happy with what I see but TOTALLY happy with who I am!
Those are just a few of my favorite things and I feel better already! I think I need to feed my spiritual cravings more often. It feels good, my blood pressure is lower, and now I'm going to pour another cup of coffee and maybe have a little chocolate. The smell alone just won't cut it!
So maybe...if I feed my spirit with pictures, memories, and serene settings I'll be renewed. A little single-girls vacation is the next step if this doesn't work!
So here are the little things...the little things that matter to me and maybe they won't matter to you. But take a moment and give your spirit what it's craving:
~~imagining the smell of the body wash & shampoo wafting in the steam when my husband is getting ready for work in the morning.
~~listening to the voices (of my children) in my head as they giggle.
~~remembering Saturday night pizza making with my Mom.
~~remembering the taste & texture of Sunday morning pizza eating for breakfast. Nothing was better than Mom's cold-pizza. Yep, she knew how to prepare us for the single life. (:
~~feeling the grass on my bare arms and legs as a kid as we rolled down our big hill.
~~seeing the light bulb come on when a kid that I mentor "get's it".
~~ginormous spider monkey hugs from my little bear.
~~Good Night Moon.
~~thinking about how much time I wasted "hating" my little brother when we were growing up and loving how we've become the best of friends!
~~looking in the mirror and not being TOTALLY happy with what I see but TOTALLY happy with who I am!
Those are just a few of my favorite things and I feel better already! I think I need to feed my spiritual cravings more often. It feels good, my blood pressure is lower, and now I'm going to pour another cup of coffee and maybe have a little chocolate. The smell alone just won't cut it!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Birthday Blues
Today my preschooler was invited to a birthday party for "Just the Guys". This had his older sister singing the Birthday Blues. She didn't understand why she was not invited. According to her all I had to do was call them up, explain that she was Ian's sister, and she'd be welcomed.
Cue the "It's not fair" soundtrack. Play the "why" broken record. Tears...don't forget the tears. My god, the Not Fair Tears!!
In my exhausted state of mind I wanted to tell her to shut it, that life wasn't fair, shit happens, and get over it. But while I thought those evil thoughts I would never let them be voiced. Instead I started with "Let's talk about this without attitude". I was telling her that but I knew I had to check my own attitude as well.
I realize that it's a hard habit to break. The two of them going everywhere together, doing everything together, sharing friends, and sharing birthday parties. They've been each other's best friends and party-going-companions for 5 years. I think this is a valuable lesson of independence and realizing that his/her friends don't mean our friends. No, it's not fair and sadly it won't be the first rejection either of them feels as they go through school making their very own friends.
I have to admit (though, never to my kids) that for a split second I knew how easy it would be to get Audrey "in". But where's the lesson in that. So for now she will have to sing the birthday blues. Sorry kid, sometimes life just isn't fair so get over it. (There I said it...quietly)
Cue the "It's not fair" soundtrack. Play the "why" broken record. Tears...don't forget the tears. My god, the Not Fair Tears!!
In my exhausted state of mind I wanted to tell her to shut it, that life wasn't fair, shit happens, and get over it. But while I thought those evil thoughts I would never let them be voiced. Instead I started with "Let's talk about this without attitude". I was telling her that but I knew I had to check my own attitude as well.
I realize that it's a hard habit to break. The two of them going everywhere together, doing everything together, sharing friends, and sharing birthday parties. They've been each other's best friends and party-going-companions for 5 years. I think this is a valuable lesson of independence and realizing that his/her friends don't mean our friends. No, it's not fair and sadly it won't be the first rejection either of them feels as they go through school making their very own friends.
I have to admit (though, never to my kids) that for a split second I knew how easy it would be to get Audrey "in". But where's the lesson in that. So for now she will have to sing the birthday blues. Sorry kid, sometimes life just isn't fair so get over it. (There I said it...quietly)
That Bitch
My Aunt- the short one, the most favorite, the go to for anything, the diplomat, the beautiful one, the best- has cancer. That Bitch!!! The cancer - not my Aunt! That Bitch (again, the cancer not my Aunt) has taken 3 of my loved ones and is about to take another. I hate That Bitch!
Cancer sucks! Cancer is a bitch. Again, I hate That Bitch! I have never known anyone who didn't think cancer was a bitch. Oh sure there are positive people who take what cancer has done to them and their loved ones and enriched their lives or made great changes towards a better future. There are those who do not wallow in the sadness & despair that cancer brings to their lives. I'm not one of those people...at least not yet. As of yet I am the one who takes their anger towards cancer out on those around me, I curse the disease, I feed my despair with more anger and pity and I'm miserable. I want it to go away. All of the cancer around me has turned me into That Bitch. I don't want to be That Bitch. I want to beat That Bitch's ass. I want to beat it out of my Aunt. Hell, sometimes I want to beat my Aunt for getting cancer. But, she's shorter than me and that just wouldn't be a fair showdown!
Until we do beat her ass (the cancer not my...well, you get it by now) we support the cuases, we rally in our pink ribbons, our yellow wrist bands, our Relay for Life tees. We support the loved ones who have to deal with That Bitch, we race for a cure, we donate our time and our money...
We try with all our might to beat her ass...someday That Bitch is going down!
****************************************************************************
note: This entry is dedicated to my Aunt Nancy L. Bourgeois who is fighting the fight of her life, who is loved by many, and who has loved many including me with all of her heart! I love you Aunt Nasty!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)