Sunday, August 14, 2016

Wine Challenge Accepted

The other night my husband asked me why I was drinking white wine.  The obvious answer was, "because I'm out of red."  It was that night I knew I couldn't partake in the Love Your Spouse Challenge as it was like he didn't even know me anymore.  With that the wine challenge was born.  

Have to change this challenge up to nights; apparently day drinking is frowned upon.  (I'm not friends with any of those downers)

Wine Challenge day night 1:  Stray From Classy
1. I don't know who designed this glass, but did they really expect anyone, especially the likes of me, to keep it classy.  

As you can see I'm not fucking around here with a classy pour.  If you can't smart-assy with me, then you are clearly not a fun wine friend and that makes me sad for you. 

Challenge:  NEVER EVER NEVER let the glass become half-empty; stay smart-assy my friends.  

Wine Challenge Night 2:  Labels Schmabels

2. You must challenge yourself to be adventurous!  Labels don't always matter. That 50% OFF label mattered: SCORE!  So it's missing the name.  

It's red, it's wine, drink that shit up and consider yourself a mysterious sonofabitch.

Challenge:  I don't even care.

Wine Challenge Night 3:  Pairings 

3. Do not be afraid to try new pairings.  I have yet to find a wine connoisseur who knows what wine actually goes with Ramen. 

Listen, this was Valentine's Day and my husband was working.  Another reason his sorry ass isn't getting recognized in the spouse challenge.  

Wine & Ramen...challenge yourself to that romantic notion.  

Wine Challenge Night 4:  To Thine Own Self...

4. Stay with me here.  It is NOT drinking alone if your name is etched on the glass.  

You must challenge yourself to be alone.  Enjoy all that your wine, I mean that you have to offer yourself.  You can't get to know you unless you spend some quality time drinking alone with you.

Invest in a personalized wine glass!  It's not fucking rocket science.  If I can figure out me, myself, and I with a bottle of red I believe you can too.  With you.

Challenge:  Find yourself in a bottle glass.

Wine Challenge Night 5:  Buy Stemware

5. Repeat after me:  No amount of wine will ever make that song, "Red Solo Cup" sound good.  Also, stop drinking 50% OFF label free wine from plastic.  I take back my anti-classy stand and beg you for the love of grapes, buy some fucking glasses.  The only time this is okay is if you have a pool and NO GLASS BY THE POOL!  And, holy shit stop with that gawd-awful song.  Please.

Challenge:  Don't be a dumbass. 

Disclosure:  I may have written this over 5 glasses instead of 5 days nights.  Cheers!