Saturday, March 6, 2010

Why? Because. That's Why!

Like many survivors who have lost loved ones to suicide I find myself asking the age-old question, "why"? Why did my brother choose to kill himself? The experts say 4 out of 5 suicides are the result of depression and/or mental illness. Trust me when I tell you when you lose a loved one to suicide you don't give a rat what the experts say. It will be 3 years this summer and I still ask "Why"? Only now I have the answer...


Because if my brother had lived he would not have given a professional football player muscle & tissue to repair his knee so he could go on to fulfill his dream.

Because if my brother had lived he would not have given over 15 people a second chance at life through his generous donation of tissue & organs.

Because if my brother had lived I would still not be speaking to our other brother.

Because if my brother had lived I would not have become a voice for suicide prevention.

Because if my brother had lived I would not have met some wonderful people who share this burden with me...2 of whom have become my best friends, rocks of support, confidants, understanding innocent bystanders of suicide. I love you Cris & Linda S.

Because if my brother had lived I wouldn't have listened to the words in the songs or felt the music that remind me of him.

Because if my brother had lived he would have lived another day to drink another drink to drive another drive that quite possibly could have taken out the lives of many.

Because. Because everything happens for a reason and his death was not in vain. A death that saves the lives of many is not in vain. Of course I'll always wonder where we'd be if he had lived. Of course I'll always wish for one more day to ask him questions that he left unanswered. Of course he was loved and is missed and will always be remembered. We can't go back, he didn't live he died. Why? Because. That's Why!

My brother's name is Lewis R. Shortsleeve and his life was worth something...his death is now worth more. RIP Lew.


  1. This brought tears to my eyes, not because I was sad, but because of the fact that you have found something positive in something so sad.
    YOU are an inspiration. Your brother was an inspiration. To live in THAT kind of pain, to hurt in such a way that it is unbearable, I can't imagine, even after everything that I have been through. My thoughts and heart and prayers go out to you....Love you

  2. You are an amazing woman and I'm sure your brother is so proud of you. <3